Tuesday 20 April 2010

A look inside my brain...

Scott said I can buy it! But now I'm too scared!! What am I doing?? Am I insane? I don't know what to do! Will it be the best decision of my life? Or will it leave us bankrupt and starving and never bring me a moments peace? No, surely that can't be true! How can buying a kiln be a bad thing? Just think of all the sculptures I can make! It will be a dream! But what if it turns into a nightmare? What if the firing goes wrong and everything in this huge kiln is ruined in one foul swoop? What if there are pieces in the kiln by my class mates and I ruin their pieces? But what could go wrong? What if the conservatory burns down? I need to get the walls insulated. And I need to sort the leaky roof out. It's such a lot to sort out! It's so heavy! How will we get it up the garden steps? What if we drop it? Am I sending Scott to an early grave with all the stress? What if I don't feel well enough to make anything?...

You get the idea!

Yes, Scott said I can buy that huge kiln! We can never say no to each other about anything, which is why we're always so poor and so happy! :D I think we'll have to live off baked beans for about 6 months!

But I haven't actually clicked that little "buy it now" button yet! I'm so scared!! I don't know why! It's just such a big decision. Tell me to click the button, and then I can blame you if it all goes wrong! :D


Edit: I did it :O

9 comments:

Kathy L said...

Holy sh_ _! Good for you. For what it is worth here is how I look at it. THere are some things in life that really are frivolous and well, we can do without them, but the old addage that life is too short is so true. When you have a passion for something, there is nothing wrong with going for it. So what if you have to eat beans. Who knows, when you feel more comfortable with your process, maybee you can hold your own classes...I can so see you doing that! I am so proud of you and now, don't look back, look forward!
k

ps---I need to take my own advice!

Undaunted said...

Hehehe thank you Kathy :) I've been worrying about this purchase so much! But I knew I would regret it if I let it go. I've been worrying more than Scott! He's been great. I said 'maybe I'm not good enough to warrant having my own kiln?' but he just said 'it doesn't matter, it makes you happy' (after telling me my stuff's great) :) I'm glad he understands my creative needs :)

Kim Hines said...

sounds to me like you need to buy the thing lol. quit worring so much. will you make mistakes? definitely. will you ruin pieces? definitely. will you ruin whole kiln loads? very possibly, i did it after firing my kiln for 6 years. lost all my work, the kiln shelves inside, the posts, elements, the kiln sitter tube thingie (name escapes me lol), and almost my confidence. will you ruin other people's pieces, maybe. but those pieces could also ruin some of your work so i guess it's a trade off. despite all this you'll learn how the kiln works, get used to it, and likely make some great pieces. plus it'll make you happy. if you're like me, you need to get your hands dirty and would do it whether you make $$ or not. sounds like you guys are like we are, get a hair up our a$$ and just spend the cash because it'll make him/me happy. and yes we're broke too but the happy part is what's important no? ;)

Kim Hines said...

oops, just saw the little 'i did it' at the bottom of the page lol. congrats! (i'm jealous, it's HUGE!!)

Undaunted said...

Thank you Kim, you're so right. It's just that if I ruin a kiln load it's a very big kiln load!
What on earth happened in your kiln for you to lose all that?

Kim Hines said...

i believe the load shifted somehow and blocked the kiln sitter from shutting the kiln off when it hit the right temp. i'd checked it waiting for it to shut of, but was getting very late, i was very tired, so i cranked up the timer and went to bed. shoudl have known better, it probably was already over temp at that time. the skutt guy said i probably hit ^13-14 based on the damage he saw in pics i sent him. had to replace all but the fire brick, was lucky not to lose the kiln. my shelves bent and warped as did the posts. the work was basically melted in a puddle on the shelves. luckily i had a couple kiln shelves on the bottom or i would have lost the kiln. all the work,shelves,posts came out in one big mass. i've got a couple pics of work in my kiln on my blog, if you look close you can see all the cracks in the bricks, the kiln was almost new looking before the meltdown. needless to say i'm very careful w/ my firings now and keep very good recores compared to no records at all previously. no lesson learnd if it doesn't cost you something eh?

Undaunted said...

Blimey! This "firing" thing sounds scary! You must have been completely devastated! No wonder it knocked your confidence! How can I stop this from happening? It sounds like I have a lot of reading to do before I fire up!

mona said...

YAY You!!! AT first I thought damn that girl must eat A LOT of chocolate to afford a kiln so quickly. (you know cause you posted you swore off alcohol and chocolately goodness until you got one) But now I see you splurged.

When Mike and I bought our first printer it was that same fear. Of starving because we invested poorly. But of course it paid and then some. SO blessings to you and your shiny new kiln. :)

Undaunted said...

Hehehe, Mona, I Do eat a lot of chocolate!! That's why it's such a big deal going without! I'm glad to say I'm still on the straight and narrow in that regard! But yes, we splurged. We splurged big! And I don't think I'll be allowed to eat chocolate ever again!!

Thank you for sharing your experience too. It really helps to know I'm not the only one with these fears, and that they don't have to become a reality.